Content Warning: This blog is most definitely not the opinion of the university or reflective of all students. It’s called a joke, a hoot, a light touch to brighten the depths of dissertation despair!
University is, without doubt a life changing experience and probably the greatest achievement of your life so far, right?! Never did you (or your parents/friends) think that you could; look after yourself, cook for yourself, take responsibility of your studies and still manage to hit every party going without failing your studies miserably. Or perhaps you did? As we all know FAIL stands for: First Attempt In Learning. *Must. Do. Better. Next. Time.*
Either way, it’s that time of year when the textbooks are closed, the bars are shut and it’s time for you to head home and reflect upon the year you’ve had, and the wonderful things you have learnt. I hope this blog goes someway of helping you with this! – Thanks to the students who contributed to such a worthy piece of information!
So move over Marx, Pythagoras and Bronte, here is what University has really taught us …..
Top tip: I wouldn’t use the following on your CV or in interviews!
1.Taking your dirty plates and mugs down to the kitchen is the real walk of shame.
2. The constant struggle of being a student. ‘I should study ….. but I could party’.
3. How to live like a Queen when the student loan comes in, and a peasant for the remaining 10 weeks of term. Pasta and baked beans for the 55th time this year, great!
4. How to get up, get ready and be sat in a lecture pretending to be awake in less than 3 minutes.
5. Although you will spend a fortune on healthy food with good intentions, you can and will, spend a similar amount on late night takeaways when you can’t be arsed moving from your bed! (Ethan Wade)
6. Understanding the fine details of your longest relationship: Alcohol. Frosty Jacks? No problem. Wine? Expect trouble.
7. Luxuries at home which you never thought were luxurious before University. The bouncy carpets, the clean microwave, in-date food in the fridge, soft toilet roll and the quietness. Ahhhhhhh.
8. Using the excuse ‘I’m a student’ as your get out of free jail card for just about anything; TV Licence? prescriptions? Council Tax? adulting? Nah mate, I’m a student.
9. How to manage your timetable effectively so you only have to attend lectures after 11am for 2 days a week.
10. To regularly save your work in case your computer has a meltdown- having to rewrite those 3 sentences which took you 4 hours is not the one!
11. University spelt backwards is ytsirevinu, which makes about as much sense as everything else that you’ve learnt.
12. It’s always best not to check your bank balance, but celebrate in smugness when your card doesn’t get declined.
13. That you reached your academic peak in Year 6.
14. How expensive cheese is.
15. Toilet roll is likely to become your new currency, it can be used in exchange for life essentials, like alcohol and baked beans! (Paige Louise Murray)
16. Your evening meal is determined by how much washing up you can be arsed with.
17. Milk stealers everywhere. Don’t. Trust Anyone.
18. How much you miss home when you’re at University, and how much you miss university when your at home
19. University is basically being unemployed but your parents are proud.
20. When you are overwhelmed with actual real life, the best option is to always nap.
21. You may aswell have given your mum the £9,000 for the amount of lectures she gives you.
22. Missing a lecture to catch up on work you missed from the lecture you missed last week is a dangerous game to play.
23. The light on your phone is brighter than your future.
24. Doing all of your work electronically then coming to the exam not knowing how to write.
25. When faced with a mountain of washing… the best option is to buy new pants – that’s what a student loan is for right? (Aimee Thain)
26. If in doubt, extend your overdraft.
27. Doing your assignments the night before is ok for two reasons: 1. Diamonds are made under pressure and 2. the older you are, the wiser you are. (Please don’t take this as good advice, it’s bad advice. Terrible in fact).
28 University is a lot like nursery; you sleep a lot, you miss your mum and you have no idea what is going.
29 No matter how tired you feel, you will always have enough fight to push your rubbish deep into the bin so you don’t have to empty it. Winner winner.
30. It’s not acceptable to 5p your mum and scream ‘YOUR NOT WELCOME ON OUR SHIP’ at a sophisticated family meal.
31. Your university accent (which sounds like you are asking a question at the end of every sentence) really pisses off your friends who didn’t go to university. They think ‘you’ve changed’.
32. It’s not all sex drugs rock and roll, it’s more like who stole my milk and if you don’t wash up there will be consequences (Lauren Comer)
33. Those ‘best friends’ you made at Uni, you will never see again after graduation.
34. You and your friends (especially sports teams) do some really weird things at uni but you’re not even sorry.
35. You will spend most of your student life in fancy dress.
36. You will have accidents of a varying nature.
37. If you can get your Starbucks past the library police, you could probably smuggle your muggle ass into Hogwarts.
38. You will leave university a changed person; 4 stones heavier with terrible debt and unexplainable scars.
39. No f*cks were given in the obtaining of this degree.
40. You are still not qualified, or have the experience to get that job. May as well sign up for a masters and do it all again!
41.Despite the breakdowns, accidents, fall outs, hangovers and regrets, University was and will always be the best three years of your life, and deep down your going to miss this place. FYI: You are going to cry more when you leave University, than when you had to say goodbye to your family, friends and dog when you came to university. You’ve been warned!
In all seriousness, University has a way of making and breaking you at different points of your journey. It stretches and challenges your capabilities like never before. But what is for sure, is that you will leave with much more than a degree; perhaps a changed person for the better? perhaps someone with more confidence than before? perhaps someone who has learnt to accept the past, appreciate the present and grasp the future? perhaps someone who has achieved a degree that you never thought you would be able to get?
For those who have finished this year, see you at graduation and good luck with the next chapter. If you are still unsure of the path to take remember that you can access the Careers service for up to three years after graduating and there are a host of Master’s programmes available to someone just like you!
For everyone else, see you next year!