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20 things people need to stop posting on social media.

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Social media is a wonderful thing and I would be the first to admit that I am an addict. I am addicted to sharing news, debating hot topics, keeping connected with friends from across the globe and spending Sunday afternoons trawling through profiles, day dreaming about my wedding to the worldie I have just seen three profiles ago.

But how many times do you scroll through the newsfeed and sigh/eye roll at the boring, unnecessary posts by people who let’s face it, are craving attention or have nothing better to  do with their lives.

This list reflects the things that really bug me on social media, please feel free to add your own in the comments box below.

(This is not to say that my online presence is perfect. Far from it. Yes, I have probably done some of these too, but I have learnt from my mistakes and moved on!)

  1. People who celebrate the purchase of a new kitchen appliance. Ain’t got time for that.

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2. Pictures of shaving injuries. Really?

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3. Every. last. detail. of. their. whole. entire. lives.

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4. Every last detail of their child. I’m really happy that your offspring can use the potty, but it’s evolution, not a bloody miracle.

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5. 2 words = scan pics.

6. Narcissist, racist, homophobic or sexist slurs they wouldn’t say in public, if you wouldn’t say it to a room of 400 people why post it to Facebook then?

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7. A picture of every single meal they have consumed.

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8. Attention seeking statuses like ‘I can’t believe this happens to me, how stupid could I be?’. You ask them: ‘Whats up?’. They say: ‘Oh nothing, i’ll inbox you hun’. WHAT.

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9. People who check into A&E. If it’s a blue-light emergency, the last thing you would be thinking of is checking-in.

10. Song lyrics. That was so MSN 2005.

11. Jargon filled gym posts. If you are going to talk about gains, shreds and kgs at least tell us what it means so I can work out how much shredding is in this cheeseburger.

12. Changing names on Facebook to: ‘Mumsy’, ‘Kalebs Mums’, ‘Barbie’. Just stop it.

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13. Any post with a link to The Sun or The Daily Mail with the caption ‘I can’t believe this.’ Don’t believe it. It’s not going to be true.

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14. Those people who decide they are super athletes and post every meal, every last squat then go quiet after a week because they can’t be arsed anymore.

15. OTT PDA. I’m trying to eat my tea, put it away.

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16. When people write a status directed at a place, event, the weather or to somebody who isn’t even on Facebook. Don’t get it.

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17. Those parents who make up a profile for their baby. Just why? I know we had one for our team mascot (a butternut squash) but that’s different.

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18. People who list every last detail of their holiday itinery, you may aswell tell us that the front door key is under the doormat whilst your at it.

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19. Those people who enjoy a deep quote or 25,000. Keep it to Pinterest please.

20. The complainers and the moaners. They complain and moan about EVERYTHING; the weather, their job, the kids, the football, the lottery, the other half, the pets, the TV. Literally nothing in the whole world is ever going well for these sour sallys.

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Social media is a great tool to keep in touch with friends and family and to secretely stalk people to see what they are doing with their lives but there is no need for this nonsense. Just stop it. If you haven’t got anything funny or meaningful to say, don’t bother. Or if you persist on telling me how amazing your boyfriend is or how well your baby slept last night (yes, it was cute at first but I have heard it for the 83rd time now) then I will be deleting you.
What a shame that would be, for you, more than me. Because let’s be honest, my posts make you feel good about your life don’t they? I am constantly hungover, I make you laugh with the stupid situations I find myself in and sometimes, just sometimes I will teach you a few things in life; like how not to cook, why politics are important or how fortunate you are so have such a witty, sexy, charming lady in your life; on a regular basis you think to yourself ‘I am so glad Becky Lees is my friend’, sometimes you may share this information with friends and family who will agree as you stare into your smartphone fixated on my radiant online presence.
In all seriousness, let’s make a pact from now. If you haven’t got anything to say that will contribute positively to the world then don’t say it. Instead, go out, talk to people face-to-face (strange concept, I know) and only return when you have something good to say. Something that we can celebrate, or ‘like’ or congratulate you on or support you with.
Or alternatively, if you are really my ‘friend’ pick up the phone or buy me a coffee and I will happily look at your scan pictures, feel your guns, make ‘ohhhs’ and ‘ahhhs’ when you talk about your bambino or educate you on current affairs that are actually happening in the real world.
Finding out your friend is getting married, in hospital, having a baby or  in a relationship through a Facebook status kind of sucks, what happened to that real friends thing?
Status update: Over and out.
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